i was talking this morning with david and we both could see how, in our experiences growing up in church, it was a constant decision to not emote/feel/express... so now we're weeding out that grey-ness to try and see if we can live in color. i envy the brothers and sisters around me who are worshiping and engaged, who love Jesus and can get excited about it. who can fuck up but who know we get grace. its important to me to know that i can go there. i edit myself so often, i need to express myself with a word some friends won't like and will tell me not to use. it doesn't matter. its what i'm feeling... my issue with those friends is they have decided not to feel that. or to pretend they don't. the problem with that is, i did that for years and it just got me to a point where i wasn't feeling. so i need it. other friends are reading this right now and laughing at me, and that's alright too. flaws and warts.
spike helps:) he's such a loving dog... he makes me laugh how silly he is. its weird, after years of pleading to get a dog, jenny finally allowed it and now she does the larger share of taking care of the little guy. she's awesome. whatever- i didn't write that thinking "oh she'll read this and it'll get points".. screw it, i'm not taking it out! :-D i hate feeling conflicted, but whatever. its just what is on my mind so i'm trying to brain dump a little. i'll have to write a dot-dot-dot again soon... more brain dumping.
